I’m not gonna lie – when I first thought of writing this post, I really figured this stuff was common sense. So much so, that I really didn’t even think it was worth writing. “Everyone knows that” was pretty much how I felt about this topic. However, after talking to a frustrated female friend and doing some research on the internet, it became glaringly obvious that this subjected needed to be addressed head on. I also wasn’t sure what to title this article, thinking for a while that it might make sense to call it “The Oral Sex Double Standard” (the reasons why will become clear very shortly). Either way, it’s a topic that needs to be discussed out in the open, so let’s get on with it.
Like I said, recently a very attractive female friend expressed some sexual frustration with me – specifically regarding not receiving oral sex in a very long time. My first question was the obvious “well are you comfortable with it?”. A lot of females require a great bit of trust and comfort before allowing their partners to venture downtown, let alone enjoy the experience. Her response was an emphatic “YES”, which confused me even more. She had dated a few different guys for varying lengths of time, but one thing remained constant among all of them – they didn’t attempt to perform oral on her.
That shit blows me away, like really. So much so, that I doubted her sincerity (sorry bud), and took to the internet with a few google searches. I was (and am still) really genuinely shocked at how widespread of an issue this seems to be. The first article I clicked on, dedicated specifically to how much guys who don’t go down on their girls suck (written from a female perspective obviously), was a treasure trove of frustrated female commenters all commiserating about their frustrations. Don’t believe me, just watch:
Let me make this clear – this isn’t a collage of comments from various articles that I cherry-picked throughout the internet after hours of searching. These comments are all from the FIRST ARTICLE that came up on my FIRST GOOGLE SEARCH. Holy fucking shit.
Now, part of me is tempted to let these one-way, selfish dudes go on about their business because it makes those of us who are thoughtful and give AS WELL as receive look that much better. But come on guys! You can clearly see the kinds of issues that this sort of neglect can create – I’ve underlined everything in red for those of you who have trouble picking up on it. These women have become frustrated, self conscious, and downright resentful of their partners. These are all absolute POISON to your relationship. If you’ve read this blog at all, you already know that one of the over arching principles that I teach is being a selfless lover. Being selfish in the sack is actually more shitty than being selfish in your normal life, because there’s a huge amount of trust and vulnerability that goes into the sexual experience.
I really started wondering the reasons that would cause men to completely neglect such a huge piece of a sexual encounter, and here’s what I came up with.
- Selfishness / being lazy
- A previous bad experience
- Being self conscious about not doing a good job.
Here are my solutions / responses to each of the above.
- Selfishness / lazy: Ok, so you basically suck. I don’t really know what to say to you outside of that. Again, in a way I’m thankful you exist, because you make me look that much better in comparison. I argue that world needs you, but any woman would say the world needs a lot less of you. I really don’t understand this perspective, because since we are children everyone teaches us the Golden Rule – “do unto others…”, which pretty much directly applies to this scenario. Figure your shit out, stop being self centered. If this sounds harsh, I’m sorry – but I would encourage you to search the entire Internet. You’ll find there’s no cure for “being shitty” – just be better and try to suck less.
- Previous Bad Experience: This one makes more sense. Good hygiene, or lack thereof, can cause… let’s say… “underwhelming circumstances” when it comes to oral sex (both male and female, by the way). Now, you could argue that the nature of the female anatomy (being more “internal”) could be more susceptible to “underwhelming circumstances” during oral, but don’t let one bad experience ruin it for all your next partners. If you’re really worried about it, use a tip I’ve given on the blog before and limit oral sex sessions to post-shower times. This way you’ll both be more comfortable with the state of affairs down there. You really can’t go wrong.
- Not Doing a Good Job: Really? This is a weak excuse guys – it’s completely within your own control. As a matter of fact, I’ve written in great detail about ways to improve your oral game. Check out the articles below for some simple tips that’ll up your oral game immediately:
You might be wondering how any of this relates to the title of this article “How to get more oral sex” – so let me spell it out in plain English: If you spoil your partner with amazing oral sex, you’ll create a really strong bond between the two of you. She’s made herself pretty vulnerable and put a lot of trust in you, and you rocked her world. She’s comfortable in her own skin and feels really sexy. Don’t you think a woman who feels this way is 100% more likely to give YOU amazing oral sex versus the frustrated, resentful women in the comments above?
Dude, its a no brainer.
As always, please comment below with any thoughts on what I’ve said here – specifically, if you’re a guy who isn’t into giving oral to your partner, let me know why. I’m here to help.