Here are the facts – if you’re awesome at performing oral sex, your partner will love you.
I hate to over simplify things, but it really comes down to exactly that. Not all women are incredibly comfortable receiving oral sex, and it might take some time to earn her trust – but once you do, if you can consistently rock her world in that department you will set yourself apart from her previous lovers, no doubt.
This article will serve as the foundation upon which you can and should build your oral sex skills, but before we get into it lets lay a few things out.
First things first, read the “Dude’s Guide to the Clit – Part 1” post (link here). It’ll get you up and running.
And to set the stage, here’s a little fun fact:
70% of women can’t have an orgasm from penetration
Seem like a lot? That’s because it is, dummy.
That means that 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. What a better way to get her there than through awesome oral sex. See my point here? This is important shit, so let’s get into it. Here’s my list of must-know basics to oral sex:
1) Don’t Surprise Her
What’s this mean? Well, the fact of the matter is most women are concerned about how they smell and taste down there – so if you’re dealing with a woman who is already a little skittish about oral, plan your sexual escapade for when she’s’ fresh out of the shower. This way, she’s confident that she’s clean and she can relax and enjoy the experience completely without having to worry about anything.
Pro tip: Tell her how good she tastes. It will ease her mind even further and make her feel sexy. No brainer.
2) Don’t Rush It
If you read the post I linked to above, you’ll remember that the clit has 8,000 nerve endings packed into it – that means its extremely sensitive. If you go straight for it, your partner is very likely to be overstimulated – it’s just too intense when done too early. Instead of rushing in, explore her other, less sensitive erogenous zones and give her a chance to warm up. Once you’ve built up her arousal, the transition to stimulating her clit directly will be a lot smoother and more natural. The key here is to make her crave it. You can’t build up anticipation if you go straight for the end-game.
3) Plan Your Position
Traditionally, you perform oral sex with your partner on their back and you on your stomach. That’s fine for a few minutes, but you’ll realize quickly that holding your head in that position gets exhausting very quickly and will effect your ability to perform oral for any extended period of time. Try these tricks to let you lengthen the session.
- Use your arms, or a few pillows under her butt to elevate it and reduce how far you have to lean your head back.
- Rock her onto one of her hips, allowing you to rest your head on her inner thigh – this eliminates you having to hold your head up
- Bring her to the edge of the bed and get on your knees – your head will be at a normal angle in this arrangement
- Let her be on top and straddle your head (a more advanced technique that you should probably hold off on if you’re just starting)
4) Understand Your Tongue
Your tongue is a pretty awesome tool, but you need to recognize all the things it can do and use them all to your advantage. Use a stiff, flexed tongue to let you get more precise in targeting specific areas of her vagina, and use a relaxed, flat tongue to cover a larger area. Alternate between both of these approaches to vary the sensation.
5) Use Your Fingers
Once your comfortable with navigating and stimulating her vagina with your mouth – experiment with introducing your finger(s) into the equation. Clitoral stimulation and internal vaginal stimulation feel distinctly different to her, so pairing the two can really set her off. Keep in mind that the first third of her vagina is the most sensitive – in other words, the area just beyond her vaginal opening. You don’t need to go deep to make it feel good, especially if you’re new to multi-tasking- keep it simple.
6) The ABCs
This is an old trick designed to give you a plan of execution if you’re confused about what to do. It’s pretty simple: slowly trace the alphabet on her vagina. Make sure to use a large pattern so that you hit on different parts of her. Using “letters” which are too small will keep the stimulation confined to one spot, and that defeats the purpose of the whole exercise. Another key here is to GO SLOWLY. You need to give her the opportunity to process the stimulation and understand what feels good for her. Don’t feel like you need to finish the alphabet either! For example, if you’re going slow and get to the letter H and your partner totally loses her mind – STOP, AND KEEP REPEATING THAT. Why would you move on from something that feels amazing? Don’t do that. The point of this whole thing is to give you an easy way of varying your stimulation and finding something that really works well. Once you’ve found the magic “letter”, repeat repeat repeat.
7) Keep the Rhythm
Women are different than men in that they take longer to reach orgasm. Tying in with the previous point – when you’ve found something that is working and you can tell she’s really into it – develop and keep a rhythm, or a pattern, of sustained stimulation. Can you see why #3 (Planning your position) from above is so important? If you’ve found her sweet spot and are working it, but have to bail out because you get a neck cramp, you done fucked up buddy. Plan to be downtown for a while, get comfortable and stick to whats working.
This is a repeating theme on here – but there’s a reason for that: It works. Don’t underestimate the effectiveness of simply asking your partner if something feels good, or asking what they like. It can save you a great deal of time and energy and help you avoid making mistakes.
Bonus Random Tip: Avoid having stubble on your face when you’re going down on a woman – it might not seem like a big deal, but it can cause a great amount of discomfort. Try stabbing a bundle of 8,000 nerves with tiny little needle-like hairs – yea, ouch. Avoid that if you can – or at least be aware of your stubble and make sure you don’t make too much contact with her sensitive areas.
Alright guys – those are the building blocks of giving good oral sex – tried and true tips. Stay tuned for the next installment in the Oral Sex Mastery series: Advanced Oral Sex Techniques.