If you read this blog with any regularity, you know that I mention communication extensively- and the reason is simple: Good communication solves most issues in the bedroom (and really in a relationship overall) before they reach critical mass. By not communicating adequately, you won’t find out about an issue until it’s reached its boiling point, and by that time it’s going to be exponentially more difficult to solve. Listen, this is such a big deal that I’ve felt it necessary to dedicate an entire post just to the proper way / keys to communicate effectively with your partner.
So, what are they?
Before I get into the details, I want to use some real word research examples to once again underscore just how important this shit is, for the non believers. Hold onto your asses, it’s about to get real up in here.
- A 2012 study at Cleveland State University, conducted by Elisabeth Babin (link here), which studied 207 participants found that anxiety regarding communication about sex was linked to decreased sexual satisfaction.
- Basically, people were scared to talk about it, didn’t talk about it, and therefore were less satisfied with sex, womp womp.
- Another study, this time at Temple University conducted by Jennifer Montesi (link here), researched 101 couples and found that open communication about sex was a solid predictor of sexual and overall relationship satisfaction.
- And lastly, an Iowa State University study headed by Tina Coffelt and Jon Hess (link here), which followed 293 married people found that sharing sexual information was positively correlated to overall satisfaction with your relationship and feeling close to your partner.
Are you picking up what I’m putting down yet? This is important, and here are 4 tried and true tips to make sure you’re doing this whole “communication” thing right. Here we go!
- Snowflakes: You’re probably wondering: “huh?”. Yea I dunno, I just wanted to summarize this section in one word. The point here is to realize and internalize that as absolutely amazing as the information I share with you all here is, no two women are alike (like snowflakes, GET IT?). This means that what works for some, or even most, may not work for the girl you’re with. Once you realize this, you’ll understand the value of good ol’ fashioned honest and open communication with her. Asking her is still the easiest way to get it right, period.
- Don’t be scared: I get it, when it comes to communication regarding sex, you open yourself up to some possible embarrassment regarding your performance. If you’re scared of talking with your partner about this stuff, it means 1) you need to check your ego (more on that below), and 2) you’re framing the whole communication process incorrectly in your head. You should think about, and handle the feedback for what it is – the best tool in the world at becoming better with your partner. Sure that might mean you have to admit to yourself that there’s room for improvement, but that’s probably why you’re on this site in the first place right? (gotcha)
- Check Your Ego: This is single-handedly the part of communicating that most men get wrong when it comes to sex. If your partner is telling you something doesn’t feel good or to do something a bit differently, DO NOT GET OFFENDED. She just gave you a gem of information on how to make whatever it is you’re doing feel better for her, and you’re going to make it about you? Dude, bad form. You knock that right off this instant – you’re making the entire male gender look bad.
- Keep It Going: Communicating with your partner, much like giving her an orgasm, isn’t a one-and-done deal (heyo!). You need to make it a point to stay on top of it. Ask for her feedback often and make sure to listen. It’s important to point out that by communicating often, it makes it less awkward – putting it off and waiting a long time will make the whole process more painful and ultimately might make it less likely to happen. No good!
- Use Your Eyes: While it should never be your only source of communication, make sure to pay attention to non-verbal signals/cues as well. Reading her body language, when done correctly, might save you a conversation
I hope this article has reinforced why I think communicating with your partner is incredibly important. It’s easy to want to focus on some of the more tactical “tips/tricks/moves” because they might seem more fun and a little less awkward then having a conversation, but focusing that stuff without giving the proper attention to communication is missing the point entirely.
Often, the most basic stuff is the most important as well.
That’s all for now.